There’s a lot of pressure to make resolutions at the start of a new year.

We’ve heard it all: New year, new you! Fresh start! It’s time to change! Be better!

Typically, folks choose to tackle resolutions that involve improving themselves in some way: losing weight (because there’s a collective narrative that January is when we “need” to drop some pounds), becoming more active, drinking more water and/or less/no alcohol, saving money, getting organized or fill-in-the-blank. If your social media feed is anything like mine — full of ads for weight loss, dry January, decluttering, exercise programs and other self-improvement “solutions” — it’s hard to get away from the barrage of messages about how we need to change. Heck, I’ve got my own program starting next week to help folks change their mindset about living with chronic illness! 

There are a lot of options out there, and so many are enticing and can be helpful and worthwhile endeavours...if (BIG IF) they actually are, for you. 

However, for many of us, this time of year doesn’t feel like the right time to begin a fresh plan or to modify our habits. It continues to be a time of introspection, hibernation, and simmering of ideas that will push forth in the spring, like new buds. A time to snuggle into the receiving energy of winter, to contemplate and replenish our bodies, minds and spirits. A time to enjoy...being.

So, if that’s you, full permission to dissolve the resolve (in case you need it!). 

And if you are someone who’s into resolutions and fresh starts this time of year, that’s great too! Full permission (in case you need it!) to grab your change by the horns and dive in! (Sorry for the mixed metaphors…)

Because it’s not about doing what everyone else is doing. 

It’s not about being controlled by the calendar. 

It’s about choosing what is right for you, right now, and owning your choices.

As a coach, I’m in the change business. On one level, I help people make big or small changes in their lives — a career shift, a relationship improvement, a project launch or completion. On another level (and maybe more importantly), I help folks change their relationship with themselves, so they can know and trust themselves more fully, and then make the choices that align with who they are and want to be in the world, and then manifest the outward changes needed to reflect that in their lives.

So I’m not “for” or “against” new year’s resolutions, per se. I’m all about change and self-development! I’m “for” thoughtful aligned personal choice, and “against” herd mentality. 

Yes to conscious choice (even if it’s scary, unpopular or unclear); no to unconscious following (even if it’s safe, easy and comfortable). 

So, if you’re into resolutions or intentions or words or themes of a new year, then here’s my advice to set yourself up (and sustain yourself) for success (on your terms!).

(And, just so you know, you can make a resolution at any time of the year!)

Step 1: Reflect & Listen

Look back on your year, your career, your relationship or your life and notice where you’re feeling both fulfilled or satisfied AND misaligned or unfulfilled. Ask yourself:

• What in my life feels good/right/flourishing? 

  • What of that do I want to keep or amplify?

• What in my life feels bad/wrong/soul-sucking? 

  • What of that do I want to change or discard?

• What in my life is missing/disappeared/wanting?

  • What of that do I want to welcome and grow?

Turn inward, and listen to your responses to these questions. Listen at all your levels of being:

• Physical (what sensations arise in your body as you hold these questions and the answers that emerge?)

• Mental or intellectual (what is your rational/thinking mind saying?)

• Emotional (what emotions arise and what messages do they bring?)

• Spiritual (what is the Universe/God/spirit/nature asking of me, telling me or providing me?) 

Consider what is calling you forth. What are you yearning for? Tap into your heart, your gut, your intuition, your spirit. And don’t worry if it’s nothing like what everyone else is doing (hint: that’s usually a sign you’re on the right track!).

Step 2: Choose & Commit

If and once you’ve identified the thing(s) (behaviours, habits, activities, relationships, projects, etc.) that feel most important, most urgent or calling to you most loudly to change, select one, two or three (not 12 or 27). 

Sometimes this priority is loud and clear; other times it takes some consideration, some weighing of options. A helpful question can be: What will I be most fulfilled by a year from now, if I took action on it? 

This step is just about the “what” -- don’t worry about the how just yet. Answer the questions: 

• What is the change? 

• What will be different? 

• What am I committing to?

Once your choice is clear, then commit to it, for realz. Here are a few ways you can do that:

• Write it down -- on a sticky note; in your journal; in a blog post; on social media.

• Declare it out loud to yourself -- face yourself in the mirror and tell yourself what you are committing to; say it to yourself every morning or before bed every night.

• Share it with a friend, accountability partner or support group -- this is where those group programs, a coach or other trusted accountability partner can help by witnessing you and supporting your commitment.

• Buy the program, the membership, the course, the workout gear. Put your money where your mouth is. (If this makes you queasy or anxious, return to Step 1 and listen again.)

Step 3: Plan & Enact

Once you’re clear about your goal or outcome, then create your (easy, simple) plan of action. 

• What will you do? Start, stop, learn, give up, curtail, etc. 

• How will you do it? Schedule it, avoid it, practice it, repeat it, create it….

• When will you do it? Daily, weekly, within a week, a month, a year...

• Where? At home, at work, outside, in your mind...

• Who will you do it with, or who will support you? Yourself, your partner/spouse, a friend, a virtual group, colleagues...

Break it down into bite-sized pieces, starting with the easiest first step. Keep it simple so you don’t become overwhelmed with the enormity of the task (that’s one way we stop ourselves from making progress). Think: one foot in front of the other. 

To create a sustainable action plan, it helps to consider these things as well: 

• What are the milestones along the way? 

• How can I measure my progress?

• How can I reward myself throughout the journey? 

• What will get me off track? 

• What will help me get back on track when those obstacles or distractions show up? 

Then do. 

Step into action, whatever that action is. Keep track. Give yourself a gold star or tick the box. Reward yourself often, especially early on as you build momentum. 

Step 4: Evaluate, Adjust & Celebrate

You’ll learn lots as you put your plan into action, so bring a curious mind and be ready to honestly evaluate what’s working for you and what’s not, and make adjustments along the way. Return to your choice and commitment often to check for resonance and ensure the action you’re taking will get you to your desired change or outcome. If not, try a new action (keeping it simple!).

Insider Tip: One of the things you may learn is that the choice you’ve made and created a plan to achieve isn’t really what’s most important, most enlivening, most urgent to you after all. No problem! That’s not a failure -- it’s a clarification. Simply circle back to Step 1 and begin again with this new information. We can sometimes tell ourselves that we’ve chosen THE thing, but it’s actually beside the REAL thing. It can take time to get clear on that, so congratulate yourself and carry on. 

And celebrate! Celebrate your progress, the milestones you reach, the learning you have about yourself. We tend to gloss over accomplishments in our lives, even small ones, so be sure to take a moment to recognize your effort, your progress, your growth. Consider sharing your journey with others as a way of celebrating and inspiring others -- win-win! 

Here’s to the new year being exactly what you want, for you — whether you choose to break away from the herd and find your own field, or seek comfort and support from a group of like-minded souls, or something else completely.

Need some help working through this process?

Schedule an initial conversation to explore what you might want to change.

Or, work at your own pace through the Curating Contentment workbook.